


Dancing Around You

by Threshie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Ballroom Dancing, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Friendship/Love, Gen, M/M, Performing Dean, Pining, Sad Castiel, Unrequited Castiel/Dean Winchester, Wedding, one-sided destiel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 19:07:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12042327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Threshie/pseuds/Threshie
Summary: Sam teaches Castiel to dance a few weeks before Dean’s wedding, and the angel confides in him.





	Dancing Around You

Angels didn’t dance. Of course they didn’t — even having a human form was new to most of them. So it shouldn’t have surprised Sam when Castiel approached him a few weeks before the wedding asking for a dancing lesson, but somehow it did anyway. The angel was ages-old, and knew every language Sam had ever heard of, so he’d assumed something similar with dancing. Apparently he was wrong.

“I researched this on the internet,” Cas said now, looking around the empty room uncomfortably. “I saw many different dances, but weddings seem to require waltzes. Is that what you will teach me?”

He looked a little intimidated, Sam thought, glancing from the corner of his eye at the angel. The taller man was kneeling on the floor, syncing up the little wireless Bluetooth speaker he’d brought to his iPod and selecting the music. Cas stood at least six feet away off to his side, looking around the empty space of the room distantly. He was wearing the same thing he always wore — the tan trench coat, the blue and white striped tie, the dark suit underneath with the white dress shirt. Somebody was going to have to tell him to wear a tux to the wedding, probably. 

When he took too long to respond, the angel turned blue eyes on him, blinking.

“Waltzing is the plan, yeah,” Sam agreed finally, trying to reassure him with a smile. Today was actually about more than a dance lesson. Castiel had been doing his best to be supportive, but from day one of Dean’s engagement, something had changed about him. Even when he smiled, his eyes were sad. It was no secret that the angel and Sam’s brother shared a close bond, and Sam was beginning to wonder if he should be concerned. 

It couldn’t be about an objection to Dean’s fiance, could it? Carmen seemed perfect for Dean. She was beautiful yet tough, a hunter like them so Dean didn’t have to hide anything from her, and rode a motorcycle (which according to Dean was a huge plus.) She even wore leather jackets and listened to Zeppelin. It was like somebody had designed her just for Dean’s macho side to have a field day. The only problem Sam could find was that Dean’s macho side wasn’t his only side.

Who Dean married wasn’t up to him, though, he told himself, starting some easygoing instrumental dance music. Getting to his feet, he turned to see that Castiel had tensed up immediately when the notes began, looking uneasily around the room again. It was enough to make Sam chuckle a little.

“Relax, you don’t have to move as soon as the music starts.” He stepped up beside the angel, smiling at him fondly. Cas truly was his best friend. Maybe his worries about Carmen were baseless — maybe the angel was just this bothered about having to blend in at a party. It was going to be a hunter party where people knew he was an angel, but Sam had been surprised Castiel couldn’t dance. Maybe the others would have high expectations, too.

“Sam.” The brunette blinked, realizing he’d drifted off into thought again. Right. Dance lesson. Time to focus on the present. Cas needed him.

“Sorry,” he said, smiling more sheepishly this time. “Okay, so stand with your feet together.” He demonstrated, taking on a steady stance. Cas frowned down at his feet and carefully imitated his posture.

“Now what?”

Sam reached over and patted his shoulder, earning an uncertain look from his friend. 

“Now take a few deep breaths. Don’t move yet — just listen to the music. You hear that beat in the background?”

Castiel tilted his head, focusing on the music intently. Grimly, he nodded.

“I hear it.”

Sam tried not to laugh at him again. The soldier side of Cas showed at sometimes unexpected moments, and this was one of them. Dancing wasn’t so different from marching; maybe he could use it.

“Okay. Now just watch me for a second, here. In a waltz, your steps make a square.” He demonstrated the basic box step — one step forward, one to the side, and one to bring both feet back together. The second half of the square was the same moves in reverse, stepping the other way, stepping back instead of forward. He ended up standing right where he’d started. “Listen to the music and step with the beat — it helps to count while you do it. One-two-three. Forward-side-together. Back-side-together. See?” He did it one more time.

Cas raised blue eyes from Sam’s feet to his face, and there was a flash of that deep sadness before he buried it in determination. 

“I see,” he said, nodding. 

Sam nodded, too, stepping aside. 

“Give it a try. If you lose the beat, just start the count over.”

Cas took a deep breath, listening to the music. For a long moment, he stood perfectly still. Just as Sam was beginning to wonder if he was planning on moving at all, the angel perfectly mimicked his steps from before. He didn’t even have to count aloud.

“Was that right?” He had done it perfectly, but still looked so uncertain and anxious when he asked Sam the question. The brunette smiled brightly.

“That was great! When you dance with a partner, you’re gonna step back when they step forward and the other way around.” 

“Waltzing is usually done with a partner,” Cas agreed. He must have seen as much in his internet research. “Will we dance with each other now?”

“Yeah, there isn’t anybody else,” Sam said apologetically. “I think it’ll be easier if I lead for now.” He stepped in front of the angel, whose blue eyes followed him carefully. The guy really could stare, and it wasn’t helping make this lesson any less awkward. “Okay, uh, put your right hand on my left shoulder,” Sam instructed, reaching his left hand down to rest lightly at the shorter man’s side just under his arm. Castiel broke the gaze finally, glancing at Sam’s hand on him before he gently rested his palm on the brunette’s shoulder. 

“Like this?”

His eyes didn’t move back to Sam’s yet, and there it was again — a glimpse of buried emotion that made his dark brows furrow. Sadness. This close it was impossible to ignore. 

“Yeah,” Sam replied quietly, noting absently that the music track had started over. He cleared his throat, holding out his free hand palm up at face level. “Your other hand goes here.” 

Cas glanced at his hand and did that dubious tilt of the head that Sam had always found endearing. He held up his free hand, imitating Sam’s, and the brunette couldn’t help a small laugh. 

“Here, like this,” he murmured, taking the angel’s hand and turning it over. He brought his hand up underneath Castiel’s smaller one, their palms touching, and gently captured his hand with a thumb on top. “I’ll lead by moving your hand, and you just follow me, okay?”

“Okay.” Cas nodded, back to serious and studious.

Sam nodded too. This would have been more fun if he wasn’t so concerned about Cas. Something was definitely wrong, and that was the other agenda for today: get the angel to talk to him about it.

“Listen for the beat again,” he instructed. “I’ll do one count, then we move on the second one. Forward step first.” Cas again gave him a solemn nod, adjusting the hand on Sam’s shoulder a tiny bit. He was obviously determined to learn this dance, and holding hands with Sam didn’t seem to faze him one bit.

Sam gave him a moment to listen to the music again.

Waiting for the right beat to follow, he instructed, “Here we go — one-two-three. Now for real. One-two-three…”

Sam took a step back when the angel stepped forward, then they seemed to almost glide to the side in unison. Flawless. 

“Good!” Sam smiled at Cas, who had looked up at him uncertainly to check if he’d done the dance right. “Let’s keep moving — relax and listen to the song. One-two-three…”

After they’d made a full square three or four times, Sam decided it was time to add another move.

“We’re gonna try turning now,” he informed Cas. The angel had just started to seem confident about the steps, but that made him visibly uneasy again. 

“Which way?” He asked, squeezing Sam’s hand tighter. Sam couldn’t help a small smile. 

“Left. I’ll lift up our hands, and you step under that arm,” he explained. “You probably saw some turns in your videos online, right?”

Somewhat sadly, Castiel replied, “Yes.” 

Sam blinked, wondering if he should ask what he’d been wanting to ask. Now seemed like a bad time, though. Moving around seemed to help Cas relax and stop hiding whatever was on his mind. Maybe he’d say something on his own.

“It’s easy,” Sam promised, squeezing his hand gently in return. Earnestly, he added, “And it’s okay if it isn’t perfect — we’re just practicing. Okay?”

“Okay,” the angel said quietly.

Sam led them into dancing again, counting out the steps. 

They made a few more squares before he murmured, “Ready to try turning?” Castiel still looked troubled, but promptly nodded. Sam lifted the hand he held up above their heads. Apparently Cas had been paying attention to the moves in the videos, because he pulled off a perfect under arm turn without any example to follow from Sam. He even turned away and then back to Sam as they fell into their original poses again face to face. 

Sam almost commented on it, but held back when he saw the angel’s expression. Castiel’s blue eyes were stormy, and he focused on Sam’s shoulder rather than his face. It looked like he was struggling with something. Sam didn’t want him to clam up and bury it again. Pretending he didn’t see the angel’s distress, he repeated the same steps and led them into a few more turns, watching Cas carefully. The music seemed to lull him; distant and sad as he looked, he turned and stepped along with Sam in the dance like it was effortless.

At some point, Sam had stopped counting aloud. They still stepped perfectly in unison, and Cas didn’t even miss a beat when Sam tried turning them the other way this time. They turned a full circle, their bodies seeming to drift closer with the dance. How long had they been dancing? It felt like just a few minutes, but also a long while. 

Castiel’s hand suddenly slid up over his shoulder. Sam barely had time to glance down in surprise before the angel closed the space between them, hugging him tightly and clinging to his hand as well. 

“S-Sam.” His voice was shaking. HE was shaking, trembling against Sam’s chest. They both stopped in their tracks, the music going on without them.

“Okay… Easy, it’s okay.” Sam hugged around the angel’s back with one arm, continuing to hold onto his hand. He was relieved that Cas was talking to him, but whatever this was had to be bad to affect him this much. The music reached the end of its track again, and there was a moment of stillness before it started to loop once more.

“Is it the wedding?” He asked softly. Castiel hid his face against Sam’s neck, his hair brushing the taller man’s cheek, and he gave a shaky sigh. 

“N-no. I’m h-happy that Dean is happy.”

Sam rubbed his back a little, looking down at him.

“You don’t sound too happy.” 

“I’m s-sorry.” The angel sounded guilty. “I…” He faltered, trailing off. Sam rubbed his back again, and he took a few deep breaths. “Sam, I love your brother. I always h-have.” 

Sam felt his heart squeeze painfully. Oh, no. Cas was in love with Dean? He had suspected such things a lot over the years, but the angel never seemed jealous of any of Dean’s lovers. He hadn’t seemed bothered by Dean dating Carmen, either, or with her coming along on hunts. It was only when they got engaged that Cas had withdrawn and gotten sad. Sam had written it off as social awkwardness and possibly their “profound bond” at work making Cas and Dean seem closer than most friends, but this unfortunately made a lot more sense.

He pulled away from Castiel’s hugging just enough to get a look at his face. The angel looked miserable, his blue eyes shining with tears that were just barely being held back. 

“Does Dean know that?” He asked gently, patting his friend’s shoulder. Cas met his eyes again finally. Mutely, he shook his head, clinging harder to Sam’s hand. 

“I-I’m not…supposed to,” he confessed tearily. “I c-can’t help it, Sam. I love him. I-I love him enough to let him marry her and be happy.”

“Cas…” Sam was at a loss for words at the moment. If Cas had “always” loved Dean, that meant he’d been carrying it around for years before Dean ever met Carmen. She couldn’t be the only obstacle. “Why aren’t you supposed to? Is that what Heaven thinks?” It had been years since Cas had had to answer to Heaven, though. This made no sense. 

Castiel shook his head, releasing Sam from the hug to take a step back. He still held his friend’s hand tightly, though, and even placed his other hand over Sam’s. Those impossibly sad blue eyes focused on their fingers as he took a moment to calm himself again.

“I’m not good for him,” he continued finally, voice rough from the tears. “She makes him happy, and he deserves to be happy.” 

Sam could feel his brows pinching sadly. He hated to see Cas in so much pain, but there wasn’t much he could do about it except listen. It wouldn’t be fair to put this on Dean two weeks from his wedding. And Carmen was perfect for him…wasn’t she? 

When he found himself comparing Castiel to Dean’s fiance, though, it was impossible to rule the angel out. Carmen was like Dean’s dream girl — public, outward Dean, the macho one. Sam could see Cas beside his brother’s secret side too, though, the one who watched Spanish soap operas and liked koala bears and checked out guys in tight jeans. The REAL Dean, even if he was too scared to fully admit it to himself. 

Would Carmen love that Dean? Would she stand by him when she learned how little self-worth he really had behind the tough guy facade? Sam knew that Castiel would. He’d already done it for years now, and he didn’t even expect Dean to love him back. 

“I meant to keep it a secret, but I…I faltered. I’m sorry to pull you into it.” The subject of his thoughts snapped Sam back to the present. Cas was squeezing his hand gratefully and letting go of it. He mustered a smile for Sam, but it was a pained one. “Please don’t tell Dean. It’s okay.”

It really wasn’t, but Sam drew a deep breath and nodded anyway. What else could he do? It wasn’t fair to Castiel, but if Dean hadn’t noticed how much the angel cared for him by now, he probably wasn’t going to. And Dean…Dean was about to get married. He wouldn’t throw that away if Cas confessed to feelings for him, anyway, so it would just upset everyone. Even if he did stop the wedding, that wouldn’t be fair to Carmen. She’d done nothing wrong. 

There was no choice that didn’t hurt someone, and Cas had decided that it would be him.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't like sad endings, so this has been sitting on my computer for a couple months gathering dust. May as well share the suffering with others. I borrowed Carmen's name from the Djinn's illusions, but she's a different character, for the record. Comments and Kudos always appreciated!


End file.
